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On the Origin of Species
On the Origin of Species (full title: On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life, or In Your Face Christianity!) is a 'science' book by the atheist pagan Charles Darwin, which is the proximate cause of liberalism, godlessness and the so-called theory of evolution. The Origin of “…the Origin…” After Darwin returned to England from a journey to the Galapagos Islands with his new pet (and love of his life) he had to think quickly of a way to rationalize his new relationship to the snooty peoples and the queen. It all began to make sense to him when he began to ponder the origin of species. The book he created, which is viewed today of paramount importance to society, was originally written on the back of a copy of the 18th century British porn magazine 'Tankards'. Darwin had his new chimpanzee girlfriend transcribe it while they both were in a drunken stupor, she really did not understand what she was doing, and only agreed to write for him because tankards turned her on as well. Life Before “…the Origin…” Before Darwin wrote “On the Origin of Species” people believed that Merlin, the great magician had created the different species living on earth with his magic wand and potions. Needless to say, Merlin was very upset at Darwin for exposing the truth and subsequently turned him into a turtle. When a species disappeared before this publication, it was attributed to alien abduction or ascension, much like the disappearance of the high civilizations of the Egyptians and the peoples of Atlantis. The Basic Theory & Rules They Created Darwin's theory of evolution is based on five observations and the inferences drawn from them 1. The species of the earth like to fornicate. 2. Populations grow exponentially due to the need for chattle, progams like welfare and religious nonsence that prohibits the use of birthcontrol. 3. Food, land, water, and (most importantly) oil resources are limited, but we need not concern ourselfs with such things here in america. 4. In a species where reproduction is a side effect of sex there are many bastard offspring. In generally individuals are not monogomous. 5. Monogomy is boring. From these observations we can infer that in such an environment there will be a struggle for survival among the peoples of each country. The following are the rules Darwin created to govern the process of evolution. Rule # 1 - The country with the most bombs wins. Rule # 2 – If you live in the country with the most bombs, go forth and procreate. Rule # 3 – Drive an SUV and build a McMansion or two. Rule # 4 – It is your duty as a good citizen to fornicate. Beastiality is acceptable and will create diversity. Rule # 5 - Diversity is required to divide the population, create new countries and perpetuate the bomb industry. The Public's Immediate Aceptance of “…the Origin” Upon the publication of this work, Darwin was heralded as a champion of the world. Tickertape parades were held in his honor: Though they were generally reserved for sports teams, the public saw him as a hero worthy of worship (more paper could be found in the countries of the defeated). People had been shamed in the past for their animal desire to fornicate and took it up feverishly with his urging. “In the name of Evolution” was chanted in the streets and on the farms as Beastiality became the orientation of choice. The Catholic Church was dead. People were now free to live without guilt and childhood molestation as well as to marry their favorite cow. SUV’s and McMansions were constructed from the resources pillaged from the lesser species. The production of bombs increased, lowering unemployment and started another World War. The world was now a wonderful place to live.